The Ascent of the Black Adder

The Story So Far

People

Places

Factions

Objects of Interest

Events

characters

items

Miscellany

This Post will serve to fill in some lost information as well as catch us up to speed on our log.

The whole thing started in a town named Blue Haven. Blue Haven is one of the towns in Elyison. Its got a fair amount of people and it is ruled by Askalon. We all met in a tavern named the Tipsy Ram. There was a fair sized crowd. One side of the bar was consumed by the visitors on their way to the Champions Trials. Including one dwarf who liked to show off. This dwarf was juggling women, hammers, and all sorts of weapons. There was also a Genasi that kept staring at him. He was a Scorpion of Dath.

Inside the tavern we met Zandu the Eloquent and Rufus the Regular. We talked and ended up going on a mission with Zandu to protect a caravan that was going to be attacked that night. So we are waiting at the North gate for Zandu and Phinehas notices that there are a group of specially clothed hooded people standing around suspiciously. Then they are gone and now there are a bunch of scorpions crawling on the ground from their area. Zandu shows up and we forget all about it. We leave Blue Haven and we go to the caravan. We start kicking ass and taking names. Well everyone except Emil who got static shocked a few times and got knocked out. So we are in the middle of the battle and then we hear a scream and we know it was never about the loot it was about the girl. So we grab a Giant Elephant thing and start chasing after the girl. But someone was playing with matches and lit this crazy fire surrounding the girl and the one who was in charge of it all. Zandu and I do this crazy maneuver where we pull the e brake and start drifting our elephant, but it grabs traction and flips, but we use the momentum to jump through the fire. We figure out that this bamf is trying to abduct the girl, and man she is Fine with a capitol F. So we through some daggers at the guy and they just dissolve and bend around him like hes all that and a bag a chips. So we like wassup. And so hes meet my puppy, and he open a portal and calls out this big ass Rock beast. And when I say big I mean Big! One of the toes on one of his paws was stil bigger than me. So we start bashing the poop out of his toe nail and with all of the damage we were doing we were starting to buff his nail out. We were thinking we were pretty much screwed but then we got a break. The dog tried to squeeze his head through, just showing his eye at this point. Jett conjured up a huge tornado which managed to get a bit of dust in he dogs eye. It immediately dazed the creature and made him tear up. Our friend Mr. Bamf decided he was done screwing with us and so he took his fine female and jumped in the portal. Zandu was pissed (I think he said he had dibs on her when we were at the bar) and pulled out this giant lightning sword (someone was obviously compensating for something if you know what I mean. . .) and jumped up into the portal, coming down with a stab to the dogs eye. So that pretty much ended that battle as no one wanted to jump in with him (in our defense he did yell to us to run). We all ran away and the portal exploded. Phinehas found a ransom note on one of the guards that we killed. We were going to go try and find Emil but everyone was so tired and we didn’t really know him so we just left him there. We try not to bring up that subject anymore though.

When we got back to Blue Haven they were having a party without us. Someone launched an attack on Blue Haven and they were using low intelligence Rat creatures to do it so as to cover their tracks. They didnt expect to win the battle, it was only a diversion so no one would know what happened to that girl that was abducted. But fear not! This party of adventurers had the knowledge! They could warn Askalon, and tell them what happened to her and Zandu. And they didnt know it yet but one of them held the ransom note which revealed who the girl was! All they had to do was fight off the rats and go tell Askalon. So the group battled hard yet again and killed rats like it was 1999. Many a good man died in the fight though. Not any we knew, just people who had some good expensive stuff on their bodies which Phinehas was happy to relieve them of. But at the end of the battle one man showed up who shouldn’t. He was another Bamf. This guys had 6 katanas which immediately gave him away as a Scorpion of Dath. He said he had nothing to do with the battle which is odd because all the signs point to the Scorpions being behind it. He challenged us to a duel and Jett accepted. Jett got his arms cut off. The rest of us pretty much did what he told us because he would kick our butts with both hands tied behind his back. He gave Liem a note to take to Eth who is the operator of the natures ward. The note said that a certain person in Blue Haven owes a ridiculous sum of money to him. He had phinehas promise that he would kill a specific person whenever he asked. The persons name starts with an S. Phinehas then was given the Dragonborn’s sword. After that we all split, we went to an inn and we rested.

So Early in the morning Phinehas woke up and set out for the day. He knew that the Dragonborn was not actually dead, he was in bade shape and needed medical attention soon. So Phinehas went to the garbar house. He couldn’t find anyone running them so he took one and left. He got up to the gate and there was a goblin and a dwarf scavenging for any good stuff. He convinced them to help him Get the dragonborn and a really cool metal dog onto the cart. The metal dog had to be tied to the back of the cart though. He was going to drive them to Askalon’s Manor because the Dragonborn was actually the captain of the guard. So then he swings back by the inn. Phinehas had actually locked the door so that Jett and Aryan couldn’t wander off when they were drunk. He picked them up and they were off. The only problem was they were speeding along at the break neck speeds of a baby’s crawl. So Jett had this great idea to feed the garbar crystal meth hybrid with cocaine. Once we fed the garbar the crack it leaped off at incredible speeds. It was seriously trippin out. We couldn’t even control it. We started bashing into everything, carts, carriages, stands, buildings, children. And if that wasn’t bad enough we were dragging a 600 pound metal dog that was breaking the brick stone under it. and it was tied on by a rope, meaning that at every turn it swung with all our momentum into shopfronts, horses, more people. At one point we ran a Nobles carriage off the road. So in only a few hours we destroyed some of Blue Havens most thriving businesses, destroyed the beautiful roads of Blue Haven, and became Mass Murderers. We made it all the way to Askalons manor and then we only had to figure out how to stop our rampaging Garbar. We ended up all jumping off right as it ran off the road and straight into the lake, landing right on a fisherman sitting in a small fishing boat, who likely also died. And this was all to save the dragonborn, who coincidentally died in the fall from the cart as we all jumped off.

So there we were trying to explain why we would do all of those terrible things in order to save someone who would give their life for any of the many people we killed, and then we were the ones who actually killed him. The blame clearly rested on Jetts Crack Weed. We would have been completely fine if we had only moved very slowly through the town. Askalon agreed and let us go to Eth’s place so that we could punish Jett and seek to repay the town.

Eth healed Jetts arms and told us we must leave tomorrow night to go and fight the pirates in the eastern islands in order to repay the town. So the next day Phinehas gathered all the needed supplies in town and Jetts recklessness got himself caught for the crime of being a mass murderer. They handcuffed him and so just one day after eth healed his arms we had to cut them off yet again.
After that we left Blue Haven on a giant turtle.

We rode for a few days and caught up to three ships. One of them almost captured Aryan but Phinehas had to pay 300 gold so that we could get him back. We caught up to the Magellan and Eth told Liem that they had to board the ship, steal some balm and an astral diamond to heal jett. So Phinehas took some rope, tied it around Jett just right so he would have enough slack so he would be under water following the ship once he fell off the turtle. Then he grabbed Jetts tower shield and he flew up to the ship. Aryan and Phinehas both ended up on the ship and they split up in order to find the supplies. Coincidentally neither of them that day found either items they needed. A blue dagger pretty much kicked everyone’s ass on the ship and stole everything good. Including the Prismatic Crystal from that one telescope. So Arwen and Phinehas managed to steal the Captains chest from the captains quarters, which they thought held the astral diamond. They then made friends with peg leg and wegner. They rescued a girl from the bears of brimoli and the tiger claw clan. But then the church of the heavens moon stabbed Phinehas in the face like four times and told him to go away. So much for saving her. . . They met back up with Wegner and peg leg who was at this point incapacitated. Wegner cleared our names and showed papers for us and so we joined him in his room. We made friends with wegner and we made a deal with him. He would help us get the balm if we would teleport his boss to Rhodesia since he desperately needed healing. As we were working on a plan to get to the third storage deck to get the balm our friendly bamf blue dagger decided to invite himself along, poisoning phinehas and blackmailing him to let him on the 3rd deck. Despite all of phinehas’ hints and warnings the crew could not stop the Blue Dagger. Phinehas got his balm and then as he left the 3rd deck there was an explosion where the blue dagger had gone. Phinehas made his way back to his room where he found a note explaining that wegner had been abducted and they wanted the cipher stones, and the wizards fish in drohan palace.

Since then liem and a bright eyes joined us. Then Everund found out all of our lies. He told us that the captain was dying because we stole his medicine, not his astral diamonds. We worked hard to try to unlock the chest to get his medicine but the chest was sentient and could only be opened for a second and then it shut again. Pretty much everyone got poisoned. Then The blue daggers attacked. With the help of the crested eagles we fought them off and one of the emperials died. We saved the statue. Then a dark elf captured peg leg but we all fought him and we got peg leg back. Then the captains dream incarnation snakes attacked everyone and so we kicked their butts, but really we almost died. Then brilliant Tribius had the idea that we could put the chest in the room and the captain would open it. So we opened the window and put it in. Aryan and Phinehas saw that the captain was a giant snake and he transformed back into a human and got up opened the chest and took some medicine and went back to sleep. Then Everund asked us to dinner and gave us a bunch of tokens for the auction.

Bam Caught y’all up!

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